Sound of Surviving

It's been a significant 2 years.
But God has been fighting that immense battle, even when I didn't want Him to keep trying.
I'm still here.
This is the sound of surviving.
And trusting.
And learning.
And...here it goes....
Hoping.

a noose and a lifeline

I can no longer speak words of hope with any lightness of meaning behind them. 

Hope is not a light matter, not a simple thing. 

It is both a noose and a lifeline. 

It has the power to destroy, and the power to save. 

If you ever again hear me speak a hopeful phrase 

- and I cannot at this time imagine such a thing -

 know that behind those simple words stands 

a solid constitution, 

an unequivocally proven assurance,

and an unshakable determination 

based on war-hardened truth. 

If I ever choose to hope again, know that God is real and He is alive -

 because He will have won an immense battle for my soul.

God is love

God is Love.

That is how he chose to describe Himself.

Love.

His creation is an incredibly ordered, logical, mathematical, beautiful place. Yet He didn't choose to describe Himself as Reason or as Order or as Logic.

He chose Love.

I think the reality of that choice is astounding, if you truly let yourself pause and ponder it.

refusing rest

I came upon a surprising scripture a couple of days ago while reading in Isaiah. Until roughly a year ago, this verse would have flown right past my eyes and I wouldn't have been able to comprehend its powerful truth:

God has told His people, 

"Here is a place of rest; let the weary rest here. This is a place of quiet rest."

But they would not listen.

-Isaiah 28:12   NLT

The basic context of this chapter is God talking to His people (who have become proud), and then it goes on to speak of judgments that would come because God's people didn't listen to Him when He communicated the above message.

That's when I was hooked. My default to striving, self-sufficiency, and proving my worth were stopped dead, right in my tracks. God was trying to tell them that they could rest, but because they wouldn't believe Him, He had to resort to speaking to them via a much different method. In this particular instance, God's judgment came because they wouldn't believe that He wanted the weary to rest.

He wanted the weary to rest. So much so that He was quite unhappy when they refused to hear Him.

But what about the "learn from the ants who never slumber", and the farmer who reaps only what he sows? I'm a Christian; I'm not supposed to stop. That's irresponsible and unfaithful.

In verse 24 He goes on to talk about how a farmer isn't always sowing his seeds and never reaping the bounty of his harvest, isn't "forever cultivating the soil and never planting the seed". He even says, "The farmer knows just what to do, for God has given him understanding....The Lord of Heaven's Armies is a wonderful teacher, and He gives the farmer great wisdom." (v 26,29) Basically, even the busy farmer of his parable knows when to rest.

All of these years and I have completely missed half of the picture. To rest is not weakness. To rest is not irresponsibility. To rest is not failing. To rest is not a sin.

God wants the weary to rest in Him, in the land that He brought them to. I don't think that just means to get a breather on Sundays, either. I think God goes out of His way to bring us restful circumstances, restful moments, restful people, restful settings. He gets it. He cares. Now it's just up to me to listen and actually let my weary bones rest a while.

two things

Two things I know for sure:

I have no idea where God is leading me.

I know I will arrive there just in time.

the wilderness

Faith has been a big subject in my life lately. I've made many (scary) decisions that I know are good for me, but they've taken more than everything in me to make them - and keep them. Throughout this season, I've often found myself coming back to a scene in my head. I'll try and convey it to you...

When God brought the ten plagues against the Egyptians, it was not only to convince the Pharaoh to let them go, but also so that God could show how powerful He was. He wanted to convince - and save - people by showing them that He was truly the God He claimed to be. While the plagues were happening in Egypt, the Israelites still lived there. They were present with the flies, the frogs, the locusts, the boils - the death. However - and this is a big however - God kept them safe in the midst of their oppressors and the plagues. He kept them safe while they were still in Egypt, the land of their burdens.

Almost as soon as the Israelites were freed and on their way to their own land, the Pharaoh changed his mind about releasing them. He came out to attack them - and God showed His power once again at the Red Sea, saving the people of Isreal from danger by a spectacular show of His ability.

Once the Israelites had left Egypt far behind and were camping in the wilderness with Moses, they often succumbed to fear that God was going to abandon them, or that God was unable to keep them safe out in the wilds of the land. Accepting this fear as fact was the lone reason that their short journey turned into 40 years camping in the wilderness. They didn't believe God would be there when they needed Him, so they decided to stop trusting Him in favor of trusting themselves.

God used grand miracles (and I'm sure also personal ones that didn't make it into the written history) to show His loved people that He was capable of keeping them safe, that He was capable of giving them freedom and a place to rest. He knew faith was needed for the journey ahead, so He gave them tangible moments to hang on to while they were in the wilderness. He wanted them to remember that He could - and would - do everything He had promised. But they forgot about these things. Worse yet, some likely dismissed these miracles as flukes or one-time events.

But the point that keeps coming back to me: God was able to protect them while they were still in Egypt. While they were still in the land they desperately wanted to escape. If He could be with them there, why couldn't He be with them on the journey that He was personally leading them on?

If God could be with me in the moments of my past, in the 'land of my oppressions and burdens', why can't He be with me on the journey He's personally leading me on as we leave that oppressive land?

Yahweh isn't a God who traps those He loves. He has come to set the captives free. And He is capable of keeping them free. All He asks is that we trust Him to do what He promises.

Lord, help me remember Your power when the dark moments come. Remind me of Your grace and Your deep love for me. Help me choose faith instead of fear, so that I don't unwittingly turn a short journey into a lifelong one. Thank you for being the God of my life.

Sunset in the Negev by Matthew J Parker

simple freedom

When you boil it all the way down, it's so simple. 

So very simple.

The most capable and trustworthy being in the universe is saying to me, "Hey, let's go play!"

It's so simple. It's so freeing. I could fly right now.

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