sarah in the bible

Sarah in the Bible.

God promised her something that she desperately wanted but was very hard for her to believe in.
He then delivered exactly as He had promised, but in HIS timing, not hers.

But in the waiting, the long waiting, Sarah's faith faltered, so she used her reasoning and resourcefulness to make happen what God had promised her. Maybe she had thought that God wanted her to make it happen; that His method of providing the promise was through Sarah's own efforts. Can't blame her there. Her intentions were good, but the results were absolutely catastrophic and completely avoidable. They brought her family years of pain and division, and have even carried forward to our present day Middle East conflicts.

Wait for God. Keep talking to Him about whatever you're waiting for. His way always works out the best. Trust God, that He is both faithful and capable. Don't assume He needs you to out-think him.

Wait and see that the Lord is good.

the depth of the waves

In thinking about my current life situation, in light of Peter walking on the sea waves to come out to Jesus:
(Matthew 14:22-33)


While the depth of the waves is incredibly frightening, that depth doesn't actually matter -- since God is asking me to walk on top of them, not swim through them. Whether it is on the shoreline or in the middle of the fierce ocean, the depth of the water truly is irrelevant, just as the depth of Earth's crust is irrelevant when you're walking on a mountain trail. In His hands, in His guidance, I won't fall through, so the depth of the water below doesn't affect me.

Even better, He isn't asking me to step out of the boat and walk in my own strength, but simply in the faith that He is making this miraculous feat possible one step at a time, with every step I take.

I know I can trust him, so this faith isn't misplaced, misguided, or a pipe dream. He is solid, so the waves are solid. Their depth is inconsequential.

The truth is straight ahead, not below or in my periphery. All that is required of me is the same that was of Peter - just focus on Jesus. Look into His eyes and the circumstances of how this victory, this miracle, is possible just fade into the background.

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miraculously personal

Miraculously personal.

That's who God is, how He works.

Nothing about Him is half-hearted. generic. one-size-fits-all.

Not only is He competent and trustworthy, and working towards good in every single moment, but He is shockingly, miraculously, personal.

He loves me. The true me, the really real me from my core desires to my newest habits. Me. ME.

And because of this, He knows exactly what is best for me, and how to make specifically that thing come to pass.

I may not know where I'm going or what tomorrow and beyond holds for me, but I do know this. And this truly makes all the difference.

grace

I read something recently that has made me consider grace in a different way. I haven't yet decided if it's accurate, but it had given me a hope-filled pause.

The author first described the standard view of grace in terms that made it something like this: "You are human and will likely fail. But grace has allowed room for that and has forgiven your shortcomings. Now, continue on your journey and try to do better."

Not necessarily inaccurate.

He then went on to describe true grace very differently: "You are human. You will fail. Grace offers forgiveness for your mistakes, but it most importantly offers a helping hand for your journey."

Grace as a helping hand. Not just forgiveness, but something that helps you get back up again and that stays with you, continually helping you.

That seems a bit different to me. A bit more powerful.

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A yoke that fits

Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light. (Matthew 11:28-30 NLT)

I keep coming back to this lately. Jesus offering rest to the weary through the yoke that fits, through the load that is easy to bear.

He speaks of finding rest by learning from him. Finding rest while carrying the burden that He has specifically made for us. The concept of rest coming through burdens, or stresses, seems counter-intuitive to me. But then I remembered that I might know what He's talking about.

I experienced it for the first time a few months ago, very briefly. I had an opportunity to try something new. Something difficult, something that in one sense was going to be very hard and require all of my ability and stamina. But it was for something that I loved, something I was intensely passionate about. When I was making the decision whether to go for it or not, I remember being energized by the prospect of what was coming, both the excitement for the positives, but also an excitement for overcoming the challenges. I viewed it as an adventure, and it brought life into my soul.

Contrast that experience with my current situation at work: an endless parade of demands and impossible deadlines that have to be met, for a career path that I can't stand. My sleep has been spotty for months. My face is dull, my diet unhealthy, my body literally aching as I type this blog, my personal life deteriorating with every passing month. The stress is quite literally more than I am able to cope with, and my life (including spiritually) has taken a back seat to this ever-present weight.

This yoke doesn't fit.

I don't think the "easy" and "light" that Jesus was talking about meant a full removal of difficulties in our lives. After all, that isn't how Earth works. But maybe He was trying to tell us that His path for us fits us better than any path we can carve out on our own. That the burdens that arise while we are wearing His plan for us - His yoke - will be more like adventures than stresses.

Maybe that's what He means in this verse. Maybe that's what He's trying to help us grab onto, believe in, and move towards.

~~~

A note: I understand that even while walking in His will, we will experience times that try us and stretch us; but what if even then, there is a way to rest - truly - in His peace? What if His yoke still fits in those times, too?

(If you aren't familiar with how yokes work in farming, it's pretty cool and clarifies this concept even more, including the idea that He shares the bulk of the weight in the load. Look it up if you get a chance.)

~~~

Arrow

I love the show Arrow. It has a surprising depth that I haven't found in many other shows (even more surprising because I'm quite out of the target demographic for most CW shows).

The relationship between three of the main characters (John Diggle, Felicity Smoak and Oliver Queen) shows the kind of loyal camaraderie that I aim to emulate in my closest relationships. Plot and details spared, the latest episode hit me right to my hidden core.

The scene when Oliver is trying to protect Diggle, but Diggle rejects his concerns, Felicity quietly listening in the foreground.
The scene in the hospital room with Diggle's recant and Oliver watching from the doorway.
The hallway scene.
The entire arc of the episode.

Right decision or wrong decision, I relate to Oliver almost palpably. The look on his face in the hospital room. Seeing the family he deeply wants. Being within touching distance of having it, knowing it is right there to grab. Deciding that his dreams can't happen, that the bigger picture is more important than his personal happiness. Walking away, causing pain to those he desperately wants to protect and love.

Then, in an euphoria born from being newly-paternal, Diggle obliviously validates Oliver's decision, forcing to the surface the agonizing truth that Oliver can never experience the type of joy he is watching his friend swim in, the type of joy Oliver can imagine having with the woman standing right in front of him. He is left to cope and grieve.

Right decision or wrong decision, I heavily relate to his grief-laced coping.

Can you regret your future?

(Titanic, Downton Abbey)

I can relate to this moment, the one when they each realized exactly who they would become if they didn't make a significant change in the course of their lives. A change with no guarantee. A change that goes against every stability they've ever known. A change that likely would not be accepted or even understood by people whom they loved.

But their soul, their very core, couldn't fathom living in this same place any longer.

From that instant, they were torn in two. They could no longer ignore it; they had to decide: be true to convention and security, or let their hearts have a say and be true to themselves. 

To find a way, not to be reckless, but to be honest and courageous.

In that moment  -- I can see my 80-year-old self looking back at me. Somehow I know that she will have a very significant opinion about what I do in this season of my life. I can't know what that opinion is until I live the life to get there. Did I play it safe and it worked out well? Did I play it safe only to look back and regret decades now long gone? Did I change everything and fall miserably in failure? Did I listen to my heart and somehow find a blessed key to life? 

Which old woman will I be? I can't know that until I am her. I have to accept that.

All I can choose now is which young woman I will be. 

Will I find a way?