two things

Two things I know for sure:

I have no idea where God is leading me.

I know I will arrive there just in time.

the wilderness

Faith has been a big subject in my life lately. I've made many (scary) decisions that I know are good for me, but they've taken more than everything in me to make them - and keep them. Throughout this season, I've often found myself coming back to a scene in my head. I'll try and convey it to you...

When God brought the ten plagues against the Egyptians, it was not only to convince the Pharaoh to let them go, but also so that God could show how powerful He was. He wanted to convince - and save - people by showing them that He was truly the God He claimed to be. While the plagues were happening in Egypt, the Israelites still lived there. They were present with the flies, the frogs, the locusts, the boils - the death. However - and this is a big however - God kept them safe in the midst of their oppressors and the plagues. He kept them safe while they were still in Egypt, the land of their burdens.

Almost as soon as the Israelites were freed and on their way to their own land, the Pharaoh changed his mind about releasing them. He came out to attack them - and God showed His power once again at the Red Sea, saving the people of Isreal from danger by a spectacular show of His ability.

Once the Israelites had left Egypt far behind and were camping in the wilderness with Moses, they often succumbed to fear that God was going to abandon them, or that God was unable to keep them safe out in the wilds of the land. Accepting this fear as fact was the lone reason that their short journey turned into 40 years camping in the wilderness. They didn't believe God would be there when they needed Him, so they decided to stop trusting Him in favor of trusting themselves.

God used grand miracles (and I'm sure also personal ones that didn't make it into the written history) to show His loved people that He was capable of keeping them safe, that He was capable of giving them freedom and a place to rest. He knew faith was needed for the journey ahead, so He gave them tangible moments to hang on to while they were in the wilderness. He wanted them to remember that He could - and would - do everything He had promised. But they forgot about these things. Worse yet, some likely dismissed these miracles as flukes or one-time events.

But the point that keeps coming back to me: God was able to protect them while they were still in Egypt. While they were still in the land they desperately wanted to escape. If He could be with them there, why couldn't He be with them on the journey that He was personally leading them on?

If God could be with me in the moments of my past, in the 'land of my oppressions and burdens', why can't He be with me on the journey He's personally leading me on as we leave that oppressive land?

Yahweh isn't a God who traps those He loves. He has come to set the captives free. And He is capable of keeping them free. All He asks is that we trust Him to do what He promises.

Lord, help me remember Your power when the dark moments come. Remind me of Your grace and Your deep love for me. Help me choose faith instead of fear, so that I don't unwittingly turn a short journey into a lifelong one. Thank you for being the God of my life.

Sunset in the Negev by Matthew J Parker

simple freedom

When you boil it all the way down, it's so simple. 

So very simple.

The most capable and trustworthy being in the universe is saying to me, "Hey, let's go play!"

It's so simple. It's so freeing. I could fly right now.

source unknown

Stand still and watch the salvation of the Lord

This past year was so challenging. I made mistakes, fought and lost battles, and was pushed well beyond my limits. 

I have only 8 more days of employment left and a rent increase that threatens (yet another) move from a home I love. 

So why is it that I feel like I'm present at the beginning of Earth, sitting on the edge of creation, watching as God spreads his artistic science all around, creating this beautiful planet that we all call home? I've always wanted to see that, and here I sit, harried from a tough year, no tangible solutions as to where I'm headed and how I'll pay my bills, and yet I feel like I'm watching God create life itself. 

And all He wants me to do right now is show up and let Him do His thing. 

Okay, God. I'm all in. Just show me which paint strokes I get to play with.

Career epiphany

I had a weird thought today. Weird to me, at least.
I realized that my career ideas have always had a distinct yet nearly subconscious caveat:

"That would do for now, until the real thing falls into place." 

This. This is the thought that I need to pay attention to. This is the reason why I still can't decide on anything. What I really want to do is something that I don't consider a plausible reality for me - what I still don't think I am able or allowed to do - so all of the ideas I'm coming up with in its place are actually just me settling for something else. Something that I can make do with. Again.

Hmm. Food for serious thought.

So I guess the next question becomes: What is that half-formed ideal hidden in my head, and why don't I just jump into that?

Because - if I'm going to go to all this effort to remake my life, why not make it into something I deeply love?

Btw, this book has been immensely helpful in my journey towards healthy work-life integration.

Maybe life isn't about how long you have something, but what you do with it while you have it.

sarah in the bible

Sarah in the Bible.

God promised her something that she desperately wanted but was very hard for her to believe in.
He then delivered exactly as He had promised, but in HIS timing, not hers.

But in the waiting, the long waiting, Sarah's faith faltered, so she used her reasoning and resourcefulness to make happen what God had promised her. Maybe she had thought that God wanted her to make it happen; that His method of providing the promise was through Sarah's own efforts. Can't blame her there. Her intentions were good, but the results were absolutely catastrophic and completely avoidable. They brought her family years of pain and division, and have even carried forward to our present day Middle East conflicts.

Wait for God. Keep talking to Him about whatever you're waiting for. His way always works out the best. Trust God, that He is both faithful and capable. Don't assume He needs you to out-think him.

Wait and see that the Lord is good.