Can you regret your future?

(Titanic, Downton Abbey)

I can relate to this moment, the one when they each realized exactly who they would become if they didn't make a significant change in the course of their lives. A change with no guarantee. A change that goes against every stability they've ever known. A change that likely would not be accepted or even understood by people whom they loved.

But their soul, their very core, couldn't fathom living in this same place any longer.

From that instant, they were torn in two. They could no longer ignore it; they had to decide: be true to convention and security, or let their hearts have a say and be true to themselves. 

To find a way, not to be reckless, but to be honest and courageous.

In that moment  -- I can see my 80-year-old self looking back at me. Somehow I know that she will have a very significant opinion about what I do in this season of my life. I can't know what that opinion is until I live the life to get there. Did I play it safe and it worked out well? Did I play it safe only to look back and regret decades now long gone? Did I change everything and fall miserably in failure? Did I listen to my heart and somehow find a blessed key to life? 

Which old woman will I be? I can't know that until I am her. I have to accept that.

All I can choose now is which young woman I will be. 

Will I find a way?